Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize