Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
