I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
