so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
