A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
