I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
