I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
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An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
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So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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