My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update