A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.