is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."