Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell