He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
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Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?