Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.