Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH