He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Is it penis luge time yet?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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