come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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