I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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