PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
