and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize