shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
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So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
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Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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