Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
