So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
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Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
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No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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