Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize