You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
