Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.