My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It's blow job season.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican