ooooooooooooo i'm drink
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Dating After Heartbreak
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.