My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
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Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
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That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....