you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
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Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
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I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid