i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend