I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
