haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
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Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
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Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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