Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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