R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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