oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
