i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
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as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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