plz talk dirty to me
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize