I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize