he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We had sex on a dog bed..
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize