Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now