I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks