and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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