i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
