Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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