yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
