Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.