I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He shit in the fireplace