If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
No more Irish car bombs ever.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons