i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
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and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
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GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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