I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I still have a little drunk in my system
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
