He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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