just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize