my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
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my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
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Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW