i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT