There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices