I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
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he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
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I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.