I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
