Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?