his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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