forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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