I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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