Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
