non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
