Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
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Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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