I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
