It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
