pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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