Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.